The Case for Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

The novelist Gary Shteyngart recently asked Donald Trump’s supporters on X to “check out RFK Jr.,” noting that the idiosyncratic candidate has “many interesting things to say about lots of stuff.” We asked Shteyngart if he himself would vote for Robert F. Kennedy Jr. This was his response.

I’m a lifelong registered Republican who has voted for Donald J. Trump in the past five presidential elections. But lately I have been looking at Robert F. KENNEDY Jr. with fresh eyes, and I urge my fellow Republicans to look at him as well.

I voted for President Trump because I am a business owner just like him. Also, I liked that he was building a Wall to protect us against immigrants from Mexico. In my own life I have seen what unchecked immigration can do to our Country. I suffer from Anal Fissures up by my Rectum and the doctor in my town clinic is called Hussein (like Barack Hussein Obama), and he has not been able to fix my problems like an American doctor would. If this “Dr.” Hussein had been stopped in Mexico, I would not have Anal Fissures.

[Read: Another RFK Jr. surprise]

Although President Trump has been mostly good for our Country, I think he dropped the ball when he started Operation Warped Speed, which gave many people the autism and worse. I have been listening to Robert F. KENNEDY’S book The Real Anthony Fauci on audiotape, and he makes many compelling points. First of all, his name is KENNEDY, just like John F. KENNEDY and Robert F. KENNEDY. Second of all, he is against Operation Warped Speed and the COVID vaccines, which Dr. Hussein has been trying to get me to take for years. Third of all, my granddaughter won’t speak to me because I voted for Trump (she moved up to St. Paul and thinks she knows everything), and if I vote for KENNEDY maybe we will have a relationship again. Fourth of all, I live in a town where a davenport is just for sitting, which is to say President Trump did not choose a good running mate. Fifth of all, although President Trump’s wife is pretty, I do not understand a word she says, just like I don’t understand Dr. Hussein. KENNEDY, however, married an actress who looks like a younger version of my cousin Suzie. Sixth of all, even though I don’t think that KENNEDY is as prayerful as President Trump, he has the support of Joe Rogan, and Joe Rogan always “calls them as he sees them.”

In conclusion, I know there is someone out there who can solve all this. Finish the Wall and stop the immigrants from coming, fix the pain up by my Rectum, and make my granddaughter love me again. But it can’t just be some bozo off the street. Sometimes it takes a KENNEDY.